HEADACHE THOUGHTS (WARNING: it is quite disturbing)

I wanted to change everything… but unfortunately, it’s too late…

I am just an ordinary person still searching for my place in this mortal world. Many things I have done… many things that I have promised…. Many things that I wish I haven’t done… Confusion is my best friend ever since my innocence faded. I didn’t wish for this to happen but maybe it is meant to be. I cannot change a thing. Not one… Unless, I will try to.

I came to this moment in my life where all the things I ever dreamed of were, in reality, it will never come true. Believing is just for someone with great courage and confidence to deal with the unexpected. I never had those capabilities. I am just a plain vulnerable being. I always cry, let anyone step on me, I am always down and I wanted to runaway. Oh God, how I wanted to die. But there’s a voice inside of me that tells me DON’T-DO-IT. Oh how I really hate this voice. It’s ruling my mind and heart. I cannot change it. This voice always tells me what to do and what not to do. What happened to that thing that YOU ARE THE RULER OF YOUR SELF? Confuse… confuse… confuse…

Somewhere along the road, I saw that far end. Why EVERYTHING has an end? Why? I can’t visualize it. If people keep telling about that then what’s the use of being alive and doing things that they thought were necessary and essential for one’s eminence in this world. I just don’t get it. Rules are just telling people that they are not right. They always tend to do the wrong things that’s why RULES are set it to obey and follow. Crash… crash… crash into me CONFUSION. I know you’re good at it.

I am not EMO. What is an EMO by the way? Stupid word for those people who thinks that their life is a total BULLSHIT. Yes, I am right. HAHA on that! Life is indeed a total bitch. You don’t know what lies ahead. No one can tell… not even that one stupid person who wears weird colorful tunic or dresses on the street with the frilly crystal ball in front of her. PATHETIC. Life… oh life… such a perfect example of CONFUSION. (you don’t even realize how many green lines appears below my phrases while typing this on my MICROSOFT WORD 2003. I DON”T NEED TO BE CORRECTED. DAMN IT.) this is how I am. You are just a part of my life but not the ruler.

Choice. Perfection is what I always dream of. Nevertheless, it is one of the most unreachable dreams I had all my life. What on EARTH does it implicates in my dimensional existence by the way? NOTHING but criticisms from other people who assumes they are PERFECT. Nothing is PERFECT. How many times do we have to mention that. STUBBORN. You are just fooling yourself. You ugly monsters. HAHA on that again.

Do they even realize how many times they are mentioning the word “I” and “ME” on their daily lives? Maybe that’s the only thing they ever think of. Watch out! Even they say “YOU” or “THEM” if you read between the lines, “I” and “ME” are their secret CODES. Only people with HIGH IQ could understand this. You don’t? You’re dumb. POLITICIANS are the best example for this. Now you got it? If you don’t understand again, you are one of those people who loves the word “I” and “ME”. Hoooray!!!

Battle begins. Where is my armor? Not here… they don’t exist. Why? They are just the absence of something. Something I do not know of. I am such a weakling to reckon how many times I have survived many battles of my dear old life. Scars of hell, wounds of wrong perception. Yes they are very invisible. Not even that mighty microscope could see. Try to know me. And my best friend. And HIM above everything in this world. You will know that DIFFERENCE. You will find out YOU HAVE CHANGE IT. It is never too late.

End.

--I wrote this while I am having my worse headache. Please bear with it! hahahahaha!!!